Tuesday, January 22, 2008
♥ 22nd Jan 2008: Facing my own thoughts
It's a nice warm afternoon, with a clear blue sky and soft white clouds, and the ocassional breeze sweeping in from the window.
Thought i needed to settle myself down to work and so tidying is necessary.
It's often hard to hear myself say about how I feel, usually the lump in the throat gets in the way. Bottling up feelings is terrible. The bottle has a definite size so it gets filled up eventually. Hence, pouring out would be a good way to start.
I convey more effectively through writing than talking. Although there may be times when I want to say, I can't seem to find the right words to use.
Life seems to be harder these days. But I thought life has always been the same? It's a cup half full of water or only half filled theory. How do I look at things?
It seems that life itself is harsher on me these days, pushing me more than it has been. I haven really gotten used to it yet, but I will somehow. The responsibility has always been there, just that the burden seems to get heavier this time....
I hope I could have been stronger mentally and physically, then I would be able to face it more courageously.
I tend to worry alot....I remember in Primary school, I was appointed as a group leader. I could worry that my groupmates did not hand in their work such that I went to sleep worrying and woke up still in the state. But, I will learn to take things easy and constantly remind myself not to worry for unnecessary things.
However, sometimes worry is not controllable, it's a feeling that slips in on you. You can't help but worry. Yes, but I can attempt to neutralise it somehow.
Given the circumstances, I hope I will survive this brand new year at least in one piece. I hate it when my tears just come, they simply swelled in the eyes automatically. Roar! tear glands too active.....
But I dont wish anyone to see me cry, I would rather face it alone. I don't want to cry, I don't wish to cry...but again its uncontrollable...I just want to hide somewhere, where no one can find me. When I am done crying, i'll be fine. Since I can't stop the tears from rolling, let them flow free all at a time. Then when I'm done, there will be no more tears.
I don't want anyone to worry. Just leave the worries to me. I can carry them, I can. I don't want my family to see me cry, I don't want my friends to see me cry, where is the place that I can weep myself till I'm too tired to do it? I just need a little space and some time to let out the misery.
I just want to let my family and my friends see my smile. I just want to grow stronger. I just want to be stronger.
I just want to stare into the blue blue sky, and look at the clouds go by. I just want to sit by the window and stare into the empty space, thinking of nothing. I just want to do that for some time.
I just want to make sure everything is in order. I just want to make sure life is alright for my family. I just want to take time off to rest my mind and soul.
I just need my friends to continue to give me support. It means a lot to me. Be it a little hug or a little msg...
I just want to stand up strong against everything. I can do it. Slowly yes, but I'll be fine at the end of the day. Jiayou! I'll be fine. Yes, I'll be fine.
(Hugs) to Myself...feeling so much better....
Thought i needed to settle myself down to work and so tidying is necessary.
It's often hard to hear myself say about how I feel, usually the lump in the throat gets in the way. Bottling up feelings is terrible. The bottle has a definite size so it gets filled up eventually. Hence, pouring out would be a good way to start.
I convey more effectively through writing than talking. Although there may be times when I want to say, I can't seem to find the right words to use.
Life seems to be harder these days. But I thought life has always been the same? It's a cup half full of water or only half filled theory. How do I look at things?
It seems that life itself is harsher on me these days, pushing me more than it has been. I haven really gotten used to it yet, but I will somehow. The responsibility has always been there, just that the burden seems to get heavier this time....
I hope I could have been stronger mentally and physically, then I would be able to face it more courageously.
I tend to worry alot....I remember in Primary school, I was appointed as a group leader. I could worry that my groupmates did not hand in their work such that I went to sleep worrying and woke up still in the state. But, I will learn to take things easy and constantly remind myself not to worry for unnecessary things.
However, sometimes worry is not controllable, it's a feeling that slips in on you. You can't help but worry. Yes, but I can attempt to neutralise it somehow.
Given the circumstances, I hope I will survive this brand new year at least in one piece. I hate it when my tears just come, they simply swelled in the eyes automatically. Roar! tear glands too active.....
But I dont wish anyone to see me cry, I would rather face it alone. I don't want to cry, I don't wish to cry...but again its uncontrollable...I just want to hide somewhere, where no one can find me. When I am done crying, i'll be fine. Since I can't stop the tears from rolling, let them flow free all at a time. Then when I'm done, there will be no more tears.
I don't want anyone to worry. Just leave the worries to me. I can carry them, I can. I don't want my family to see me cry, I don't want my friends to see me cry, where is the place that I can weep myself till I'm too tired to do it? I just need a little space and some time to let out the misery.
I just want to let my family and my friends see my smile. I just want to grow stronger. I just want to be stronger.
I just want to stare into the blue blue sky, and look at the clouds go by. I just want to sit by the window and stare into the empty space, thinking of nothing. I just want to do that for some time.
I just want to make sure everything is in order. I just want to make sure life is alright for my family. I just want to take time off to rest my mind and soul.
I just need my friends to continue to give me support. It means a lot to me. Be it a little hug or a little msg...
I just want to stand up strong against everything. I can do it. Slowly yes, but I'll be fine at the end of the day. Jiayou! I'll be fine. Yes, I'll be fine.
(Hugs) to Myself...feeling so much better....
Labels: Random thoughts
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I AM GRUMPY.3:27 PM
